Oh audition season. Hello Darkness My Old Friend. Love it or hate it, every year it comes along, bringing fall and then winter with it. The last couple audition seasons for me have not been great. I usually start with high hopes and by mid-December I’m heartbroken and have to spend the time until the next season recovering. Last year I only submitted for a couple YAPS because I was in the middle of moving to DC and was in no kind of mental or financial place to make quality videos or trips to NY. I knew that if I wanted to make this coming audition season any different, I would need a change of preparation and action, but more importantly, a change in mindset.
I think part of my issue the last couple years of auditioning has been my desperation for getting something. I know that probably sounds dramatic, but common, there’s a lot of pressure! However, I now understand that I am the only one putting this pressure on myself. And that feeling that I need to prove myself as a singer by getting into a show or YAP literally kills me. It wrecks my auditions time and time again. Why? Because it sucks the fun out of it. This year I spent a lot of time alone singing, reading about singing and thinking about singing. Why do I like it? What about it lights me up?? It used to be fun but about 8 months ago I really didn’t feel that way much at all. It had become a chore, something to check of my to-do list, and a bottomless money hole.
Since I took a step back, I have actually been able to fall back in love with singing again. And guess what, my voice followed my mind. CRAZY RIGHT?! We always knew singing was as much a mental game as a physical one but wow. My hurt and defeated, “I’m not good enough” attitude REALLY put a damper on my progress. Once I tried to shed [[the majority]] of those feelings, I started getting better, and better, and better.
So this year, I’m going to put myself out there as a woman who genuinely loves this thing called music, and who wants to SHARE and SERVE people with it. It is so hard to take the ego out of it, but oh my goodness is it necessary. And you know what? Maybe “they” won’t want me this year. Or next year. Or the year after that. But when you take the ego out of it, that’s not what it’s about. It’s about knowing that you have a gift, setting it in motion with action, and SHOWING UP.
To my singer friends, I am right there on the battle field with you. I hope this made you feel less alone in your relationship with your voice (or instrument for that matter.) I’m going to show up to every audition and be HAPPY that you are auditioning for the same thing as me. Because we are stronger together. Community over competition. End of story.